No Desire to Recollect, Part One
Back in my Junior year of school I took an Introduction to Japan class, and one of the books we read was Tsurezuregusa, known in English as Essays on Idleness. It’s a really good book. It’s a collection of short little essays, ranging from a few lines to a few pages, about just various things and thoughts that popped into Kenko’s head. It’s a great way to spend the day, just reading in the sun, I really recommend the book.
Anyways, the book inspired me to do my own little Tsurezuregusa. I haven’t worked on it in forever, but I thought I’d share a few of the better entries from it.
I
I do not know why drumming should always inspire me with feelings of the sea. Perhaps it is because both of them represent to me untamed power. When She drums, she seems to me a goddess of the sea, fierce and terrible. Will personified. I can imagine that if I had such energy and desire I could do anything, but for all my gifts, I lack will in any amount and I consider it my greatest fault.
VIII
All divisions are artificial. Once one realizes this, there are two possibilities. Either one will ignore all such divisions, or one will acknowledge all of them. I myself have done the latter, and I believe that Heracleitus was the first of men to do the same. He saw that nothing is constant and everything changes, and this is so. From moment to moment, who we are changes, and a man may become unrecognizable to himself within a few hours.
Perhaps the area where it would be most instructive for people to realize the infinitude of divisions is in language. There is no English language. Rather, there are several hundred thousand languages that we call English for the sake of simplicity. My words have different meaning from person to person. This should be obvious to all, and yet very few people ever realize it. This is why dictionaries are so important. Without a guide as to what words symbolize, it would be impossible for us to communicate properly. Even with dictionaries, how often does it occur that someone says one thing, but their interlocutor hears something entirely different?
It is for the above reasons that I cannot understand the importance placed upon the exact text of sacred writings. Even if the manuscript has never been altered since its creation, which I sincerely doubt, the meanings of the words have still changed. What once meant one thing now means something else. Denotations and connotations change from day to day. It is foolish to pretend otherwise. Words have no intrinsic meaning or power; they are simply symbols. So long as the meaning is the same, what does it matter if the words change? Is it not better that words are changed rather than meaning? If it were truly so that words were most important, no one would ever translate anything. I should rather have the precise meaning of Livius’s history than the precise text.
The greatest attention should be paid to diction in order to ensure the best meaning is created by the writer.
IX
I wonder why people are so contentious concerning love. How often is one told that one is not truly in love? How often does a total outsider believe that they know more about our emotions than we do and feels qualified to make a judgment? If I were to claim happiness while existing in circumstances that others would not consider to be happy, almost no one would tell me that I was not happy, and anyone who did would be considered rude by others. To say that I am in love after catching a glimpse of a beautiful girl, however, is to invite everyone to question the authenticity of my emotions, to doubt my feelings, to consider me ignorant of what true love is.
I believe part of the problem to lie within English itself. What a violent culture we must have had! Imagine all of the words that mean to physically strike someone in order to hurt them, and then compare that to the words that mean to be romantically interested in someone. There is no comparison. And the words girlfriend and boyfriend! Products of a society that saw no reason for one to have friends outside of one’s gender unless marriage or sex were desired. Simply put, the tongue of Shakespeare needs more words for love. There are so many facets that can only be described with unnecessarily ungainly adjectives that stumble forth from our lips. Such ugliness in speech should be avoided when speaking of such a noble subject.
XII
There are two types of beliefs in this world. The first is optionless beliefs. Drilled into our heads from birth, imbibed with our mothers’ milk, or simply taught to us in so authoritative a manner that we can accept no alternative, these beliefs rarely suffer rivals and can last for years, even centuries, without being examined by their owners.
The other type is choosable beliefs, and these are by far the more interesting to examine, for these are hand-picked by their owners and reveal much about them. It is a fallacy to assume that people believe things for their veracity. In reality, it is my experience that the vast majority of beliefs held by people are chosen because it is to the benefit of the believer that they be true. For instance, the common man will believe that democracy is best while the king will believe that monarchy is best, simply because each belief, if true, is best for the believer.
Once we have realized this, it becomes much easier to understand others whose beliefs seem odd to us. We should not think that those who believe in silly and stupid things are completely illogical, but merely that their personality and self are such that they have something to gain if their beliefs were true. While these profits are sometimes obvious, they can also be quite subtle, for it is in one’s interest that their worldview survives each day unscathed, and thus it is natural for one’s new beliefs to match their own. Someone already dedicated to the idea that their nation is superior to all others will inevitably believe the best about his country and the worst of its rivals in order to maintain his worldview. It is for this reason that children should be raised most carefully, and ideally, they should be taught their own ignorance instead of orthodoxies. A child who believes that they are ignorant of much will be more easily able and more willing to assimilate new beliefs into themselves than a child who believes that they already know the truth of the world.
Do not judge the beliefs of others immediately. Rather, examine the belief and the believer and understand what they have to gain from their belief’s potential veracity.
Similarly, to convert another to your own beliefs, it is folly to use logic unless the logic is so sound that it admits no alternative and makes the belief optionless. It is simpler to show your opponent the benefits of your own beliefs so that he will choose them of his own accord.
XIII
There is nothing more sweetly attractive than to be taught a foreign language by a beautiful woman. Why this should be so I cannot say, but nevertheless I believe it to be true. Perhaps it is the time that must be spent and the patience that she must show as she educates you, perhaps it is the inevitable association one must make between one’s learnings and her lips, but if anyone were to ask me for advice on seduction, I would tell them to teach their beloved a language.
XIV
I believe that the world would be better if children were ignorant of their parents and their parents were ignorant of them. Imagine the benefits to be gained if children were raised by the state instead of their parents. All children would have equal access to education, whether borne of a rich family or a poor one, and those children who excelled most would be able to find their calling. It would be more efficient, since there would be but a few large households rather than myriad small ones. Foolish sons would no longer inherit from their wealthy fathers, since no one would know who his son was. Instead, an heir would be more likely to be chosen based on their own talents.
If only it were possible to have a polis upon which I could experiment! I greatly desire to see this idea put into practice, for I have no doubt it would be beneficial to society.
XV
It is important to always keep in mind someone’s natural inclinations when judging them. Someone whose instincts drive him to give money away does not deserve to be given much praise, for he is only doing what we would do anyway. He is not generous, but diseased; his mania is to give. Many whose vices and addictions are perceived by others to be virtues and hobbies are also praised meaninglessly, for even if their actions were the basest of sins, they would still do them.
Instead, he who deserves the greatest respect is he who acts against his natural inclinations for the greater good. The miser who gives to charity, the misanthrope who nevertheless helps others when they need it, the addict who deprives himself of his pleasure to give his family bread: these are they who should be praised.
XVII
I think there is nothing in this world that I enjoy seeing in people as much as enthusiasm. Perhaps it is because I myself am so apathetic, but to see someone performing a task with happiness and eagerness in their face warms my heart. Even if someone does something that I dislike or disagree with, if they are sincerely enthusiastic about it, it tends to mollify my harsh feelings somewhat. Unfortunately, my opinion is not shared by many of my friends. And yet is not enthusiasm a part of much greater things? How many scholars and researchers accomplished their deeds because of their enthusiasm for their work? If only everyone were enthusiastic about their job, I believe many problems in the world would be lessened.
XVIII
They say that death is the great equalizer. That it is fair. More fair than anything in life ever is. Perhaps that is why it seems so unjust to me. In stories, the hero cannot be killed by his inferior. He will not die in bed of asphyxiation because some moron left a stove on. He will not get hit by a car and killed crossing the road. These things can happen to anyone, and I hate it. I hate that anyone can kill anyone. That Julius Caesar can be stabbed and killed by mediocre senators. That Socrates can be forced to commit suicide by a fearful, little, miserable town.
I want something more. I want a guarantee that my death will equal my life. I want something from it. I don’t want to die a miserable death out of ignorance or by accident. I don’t even especially fear death. I just don’t want to stop living. Everything about life is so wonderful, and every day I love it anew. I hope my life is long.
XIX
The world seems very Polycratic to me. By this I mean that bad luck must necessarily follow good. Whenever my look has been good for too long, I fear, for I believe that misfortune is coming. For this reason I do not mind small misfortunes, for they keep at bay even greater ones. If I wish for something to happen, I throw away something small, such as a penny, in hopes that by inducing a small bit of bad luck I must receive greater good luck soon.
Imagine a volcano. While dormant, one has good luck, while erupting, bad. The longer one has good luck, the larger the eruption of bad luck will be, while if bad luck happens often, it tends to be smaller. This is the world as I see it.
XX
When determining why something is done, one must examine the causes, auxilia and pretexts. The cause is that which induces the person to do the deed. Auxilia are those things that make the deed seem like a better idea, but are learned after the cause and thus after the decision to do the deed has been made. If the cause is later invalidated, then auxilia may be sufficient for the actor to continue his deed, but not always. For instance, a man decides to go to the store to buy bread. His desire for bread is thus the cause of his excursion. After deciding to go to the store, he realizes he would also like cheese and wine. These desires are auxilia, for although they make the case to go to the store more compelling, they themselves were not the cause of it. If the man later learns that no more bread exists at the store, these desires may be strong enough that he will go anyway, but it is impossible to tell.
Pretexts are different from both of these in that they are what the actor says, either to himself or others, is responsible for his deed. Although one’s pretexts may be the same as one’s causes and auxilia, it does not have to be the case. If the man is embarrassed of his desire for bread, cheese and wine, he may tell others that he is going to the store for fruit, and that would be his pretext for his trip to the store. One may even hide true causes from oneself behind pretexts, and this should be avoided, for lying to oneself gains one nothing.
Well, that was longer than I was expecting. Hopefully it was too annoying. It gives you sort of an idea of how Tsurezuregusa is set up, though. I recommend trying out doing your own little Essays on Idleness; it’s rather enjoyable and pleasant.
-Matthew
Description vs Prescription
Alright, so I did basically nothing today, so in lieu of a diary entry, this’ll be a straight-up Musing.
So basically, thanks to a book about the Oxford English Dictionary, I’ve been thinking about whether certain things should be descriptive or prescriptive. Now obviously it’s never entirely one or the other, so let’s not even bother with any of that. Rather, it’s more how prescriptive should something be?
Now obviously the first thing to discuss is definitions. Should a dictionary definition be descriptive only, or should it seek to be prescriptive? That is, should it tell you what the word means now, or what it should mean now and forever? As much as I dislike it, I have to believe that they should be only descriptive. Now clearly that doesn’t give people free reign to misuse words however they like, but words’ meanings should be allowed to change. I don’t think we should have institutions that seek to keep the language “pure.” A language can’t degrade, just change. I’m a stickler for accurate word use, and it bugs me when people use words incorrectly, but nevertheless, a language needs to evolve. They’re strange beliefs to hold side by side, but it seems to work without contradiction. It’s more of a now versus the future. Now people need to use words according to their generally accepted meaning in order to be understood, but if a word gains a connotation, it should be allowed to, and change its denotation to reflect that.
So connected to this is grammar. I think grammar should be a bit more prescriptive than defintions should be. But again, good grammar is any grammar you can understand clearly and without ambiguities. So, for instance, “The girl for whom I bought a ring,” and “The girl who I bought a ring for,” are pretty much equally good to me. Both are easy to understand. I would never use the second in an essay or anything official, and if someone asked I’d call it correct and the other incorrect, but in speech or colloquial usage, I’d use it no problem. It’s only when one’s grammar becomes so incorrect that it cannot be understood that there’s a problem.
There are other instances in English where grammatical rules are more important. For instance, “I bought her a ring” versus “I brought a ring her” are very different. English lacks enough cases to make the difference clear without the proper order. So the rules of grammar should be followed well enough to prevent misunderstandings. I guess I’m just sort of worried about a slippery slope situation with grammar, where less correct usage makes even less correct usage understandable, until the divide between best and worst gets so large as to become mutually unintelligible. I’m not sure why I have different opinions regarding definitions and grammar, but there it is. I’m curious, how do others feel regarding these two?
The next thing is this category I’d like to mention is etiquette. I am not a big dining etiquette person. So far as I’m concerned, eating is the process by which food goes from on a plate to inside my stomach, and I want it to happen quickly. I don’t mind some conversation, but I don’t want to do stupid things that make the process inefficient. Separate forks are stupid and pointless, as are any rules about which hand to use for something. Do what works! Don’t be a slobbering beast or anything, but anything that won’t kill others’ appetite is OK.
So is proper etiquette descriptive or prescriptive? I would guess that most pro-etiquette people believe it to be prescriptive, that proper etiquette is a guide for how we should act. I think, most probably because of my dislike for proper etiquette in a lot of instances, that proper etiquette should be only descriptive, that it should just be what people agree is enough to work. I think most of us will survive if we or our dining companions put their elbows on the table or something like that. I once had someone get legitimately annoyed that I tipped up my plate slightly to get the last bits of rice off of it. They would prefer that I waste food instead. That, to me, is stupid, illogical, and an attitude that shouldn’t exist anymore in today’s world, or really any world ever.
So generally, I’m pro-descriptive. Whatever works efficiently should be enough. That’s really the threshold for me. If your grammar or etiquette gets poor enough, it tends to become inefficient. In the first case, because people can’t understand you anymore. In the second case, because you’re ruining your own, and others’, rate of food consumption or you’re hurting your odds of social survival. Now the problem is that with etiquette, it only hurts your social survival because others care so much about etiquette. I think a relaxed attitude towards etiquette is beneficial for society as a whole. People shouldn’t be ostracized because they never learned the complicated and byzantine rules that upper class gits use. I’m much more meritocratic than that. If you have enough etiquette to be a civilized human being, that’s more than enough. It’s certainly not enough to judge people on.
-Matthew
August 5, 2009
Dear Diary,
Today I was so awesome! This morning I had a sort of session-end interview with my boss. It’s mostly feedback. Feedback on how admin felt about me and how I felt about the session. Turns out I had apparently been doing really, really well while mostly winging it. The kind of things I do out of boredom, patrolling the lunchroom and dances, or out of personality, being prepared and helping whoever asks, are the things that they like, so yay me. I actually was awesome, all along. Turns out I’ve been recommended not only for rehire next year, but also promotion, so I’ll definitely consider coming back. It’d be nice, the pay’s not bad for six weeks’ work, and it gives me plenty of time during the summer to relax, read, and do whatever needs to be done. I never think of myself as a hard worker, so it’s a bit weird to me to be told that I did a great job. Honestly, I avoid giving my all and trying my hardest. Partly because I prefer my hobbies and personal interests to work, partly because I worry what I’ll do if my all isn’t sufficient. I dislike the thought of having to do more and being unable to do so.
This isn’t really my awesomeness, but Hetalia’s second season has started to be fan-subbed, so I watched the first two episodes today.
It’s great! Even better than the first season I feel. The main problem with the first season for me was its choppiness. There’d be maybe two or three storylines in five minutes of show, and it got sort of annoying. So far it’s only been one plot per episode, and it’s a lot better. Plus both episodes have had pretty cute moments, which is always adorable.
I kind of wish China got more development. I kinda empathize with him and his position and how others view him. Hopefully I’m not going to sound narcissistic, but I view myself as mature, wise, quiet, yet not really respected, but more in a Rodney Dangerfield way than a Socrates way. I’m not delusional. China’s in the same boat: the eldest of the East Asia nations, but no one really cares, despite his huge role in all their developments. He tends to view the other nations as chidish, and to be fair they kind of are. At least I have lots of mature friends. Poor China…
Prussia is probably my favorite character, though, for A) being Prussia, and B) being crazy awesome. How can you not like a guy who stalks his enemy all day and then jumps out of the bushes while he’s treating someone and his little sister to a meal just to tell the guests that the guy paying is really stingy at home. The way Austria reacts to this seems to indicate it’s a common occurence, too. He’s not really surprised, just annoyed and irritated.
So ya, today I was thinking about what sort of stuff I might recommend on Friday, and I realized that last week all my recommendations were Asian-girl-centric. Sinogynocentric? Even if that’s the improper word, I like the way it sounds. So ya, I’ll be less Sinogynocentric this week. I guess my first recommendation is Anime this week, and it’s Hetalia. You can watch the episodes here: http://www.watchanimeon.com/anime/axis-powers-hetalia/ Or read the manga here: http://sites.google.com/site/hetaliaindexes/ . I guess it doesn’t matter where you start, but I’d probably go through the comics first. You get more depth and characterization that makes the anime funnier. I was laughing at Japan’s proper little comment about how, since Santa got him a Christmas gift, Japan now needs to buy Santa a year-end present. It’s a good series, check it out. If you’re into history and laid-back, you should love it. If you’re into history and are way too serious, it’ll probably piss you off.
Wow, that is way too much Hetalia talk for one post that’s allegedly a diary entry and not, I dunno, Gushingsville. See ya!
-Matthew
July 31, 2009
Dear Diary,
Today I was so awesome! I just got back from chaperoning a dance. I must have broken up like, ten couples grinding. It’s actually my favorite part of this job, I think. Going around with the flashlight, shining it at the kids breaking the rules. They’re relentless; we had to set up a time-out area for repeat offenders to cool down in. That seemed to get the message across. The last hour or so was fairly quiet in terms of inappropriate dancing.
Apparently the new facial hair is popular. I’ve only heard good things about it so far, and one of my co-workers said they were discussing it at lunch, which is nice. Last time I tried this, during Winter Break, I didn’t really have any peers around from whom I could get feedback. Maybe I’ll keep it. I’ll trim it so it doesn’t get overly long, but it’d be a nice new look. Might make me look more “adult” in grad school.
Speaking of grad school, apparently my future apartment is great. My mother called from Chicago to tell me she had seen it. Here’s hoping I like it, too. It’ll be so great! It’s a furnished single studio. I’ll need to buy silverware and dishes and stuff, but it should be so awesome! Basically I’m sort of picturing Vivian’s apartment in the movie “Saving Face.” I think it’s such an awesome place. Sadly I can’t find a picture of it and I don’t have my DVD to take a screenshot or anything, but trust me, it’s cool, as is the movie.
Since it’s a Friday and all, I figure I’ll do some recommendations. So for movies, my recommendation is “Saving Face”
I first saw it at Cornell freshman year, and I just loved it. It’s hilarious, witty, well-written (Except for the bloody last line before the credits, which annoys me to no end), romantic, and just awesome, I think. I’m pretty sure I’ve made most of my friends watch this already. It has a brief topless scene, but it’s pretty tame while still passionate.
For music, I’ll recommend Cynthia Lin.
Talented, beautiful, and what’s more, a genuinely awesome and nice person. One time I ordered a CD from here, and she e-mailed me to ask if I wanted her to sign it. She really is sweet and down-to-earth. She’s by far my favorite musician just for her personality. When I asked her to write something for my friend when I ordered a CD for her as a gift, Cynthia thought up something wonderful. Her website is www.cynthialin.com and she has a few videos on Youtube, of which http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSLfPitXC7Q is my favorite and the first song of hers I heard: “I’m Shy.” She’s sort of folksy and jazzy and generally awesome.
I’ll just use yesterday’s recommendation of Daisy for webcomics this week.
I guess books are last… Since I recently gave it as a gift, I’ll do “The Asian Mystique”
I read it early last year, and honestly, it was an important book to me. I’m extraordinarily glad I read it. Interesting, educational, and just a great book for me to read for my own personal growth as a person in a way that few books are. As I’m sure no one who knows me needs to be told, I have a slight preference for Asian girls, and this book was a really good reminder to keep in mind that people are people first and anything else second.
It’s, admittedly, a hard thing to really keep in mind and act on, mostly due to the Blackbox Problem. Basically, what the Problem is boils down to this. We know what and that we think. However, we cannot know whether or what others think. All we can see is input and output, and even that is limited. We can’t know why someone does something or what they’re planning or thinking; we can only and always guess. The most common consequences are doubt, paranoia, and objectification. I find the best way to ensure moral actions is to keep in mind that every other person in the world is a human being just like I or my friends, with all the hopes, desires, dreams, feelings, and motivations that I have. I wish more people kept such thoughts in mind.
Another interesting result of the Blackbox Problem is that we tend to ignore free will in others’ actions. If I were to hear that a friend of mine were currently streaking through the streets, my first thought wouldn’t be, “Oh, they made a rational decision right there.” It’d be an attempt to discovery what stimulus provoked such a response. I may acknowledge others have free will, but as a model, I, and many others, tend to use stimulus-response. We, knowing our thoughts, act as though we have free will and true choice, but without knowing the thoughts of others, it’s hard to act as though they do, too.
A nice little result of that falls into social engineering, actually. Since acting out of one’s nature causes people to inquire into causes, a good thing to do if you ever plan to have to do something illicit or shadowy is to establish a reputation as an eccentric. They’re expecting to act strangely and unpredictably, so if an eccentric friend of mine went streaking, I might indeed simply write it off as a choice they made and pay no more attention to it. Despite being possibly considered mentally “wrong,” I naturally give eccentrics greater credence as a thinking, deciding entity. I dunno, I find that interesting. Maybe you don’t, in which case I doubt you’re still reading. I know that got sort of rambly, but hey, wasn’t it awesome? Just like I was today!
-Matthew
